Domestic Violence and Corona, Part 2: Choice

[Read Part 1]

In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey suggests setting up a 1–7 scale with your spouse.

For example, if you really want to go to the movies (you’re at a 7) but your spouse doesn’t really want to go (he / she is at a 4), maybe ask a friend or your child to go with you.

Or, if you’re the one who’s at a “4,” maybe you’ll change your mind because you know how much it means to your spouse. But if you go, you know it’s your choice and that you’re not being forced.

See how this can be more effective than a “yes” or “no?”

Am I suggesting that people in abusive relationships counsel their spouses and try to convince them to use certain tools to communicate more effectively?

No.

But there may be things that can help keep the peace. It could be that there are things that have become patterns because they’ve never been talked through. Am I talking about dangerous, psychopathic behavior?

No.

I’m talking about living in a world of microaggressions and disrespect, manipulation and coercion.

Maybe this is the time to work on those things, and there could be some clarity at the end of the lockdown.

Maybe this is the time to work on those things, and there could be some clarity at the end of the lockdown.

Or not.

For me, there wasn’t a therapist, self-care or self-help book that could help my marriage. I did everything I could possibly do to figure out how to make things work. But there was nobody on the other side doing the work.

While not everyone is capable of doing the work, sometimes people can surprise you. Maybe they’ve never been asked to do the work, or didn’t think it was important. Or didn’t realize how painful their words are.

Again, it all comes down to choice.

Again, it all comes down to choice.

And we should not be judged for the choices we make.

Next up: Part 3, Judgement