So many people seem to associate boundary setting and self-defense with not being polite. As in, “Once a person does X, you no longer have to be polite.” Or, “Once they ignore your request to [blank], you no longer need to be polite.” So yes, this is true. You do…

Years ago, I was in a blackbelt seminar. The senior instructor came to the mat and said good morning. We bowed. And then he said, “Everybody does Judo different.” We all stared at him. What?!? If there’s one thing that we are proud of in Judo, it’s that unlike many…

I have been thinking a lot about how it might sound that I don’t appreciate aftercare provided by emergency services. That is not at all the case. I highly appreciate the intrepid support of the emergency teams that provide services for people who are survivors of violence. Saying that I…

My freshman year, 1978, I believe was the first year that computer science was taught in our high school. If not the first, then really close to it. We used a machine that was the size of a dishwasher and shook back and forth when we fed in the paper…

I know I throw the word around a lot. So, for those of you wondering about its origin, here you go: When I was going through the process of becoming a public speaker, the amazing Erin Weed who was coaching me, taught me about the importance of finding “my word.” …

[Read Part 3] I’ve been promising to directly address the issue of domestic violence and lockdown. Here it goes: Fixing things once somebody is in a bad situation is so much harder than giving people the tools to make safe decisions at the beginning of a relationship. Love is a…

[Read Part 2] Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about choices. But I want to make it very clear that choice has nothing to do with blame or fault. I repeat… Any and all abuse is always the fault of the perpetrator. I repeat… Any and all abuse is always…

[Read Part 1] In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey suggests setting up a 1–7 scale with your spouse. For example, if you really want to go to the movies (you’re at a 7) but your spouse doesn’t really want to go (he / she…

Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten more than a few requests to talk about how COVID-19 has led to an increase in domestic violence. I’ll get to that, I promise. But it’s not simple being a human, and this is all very complicated. So before we talk about what’s…